takingcareofmyselfandgoingintomycave.ShetruststhatIwillcomebackandbemoreloving.
SheknowsthatwhenIgointomycaveisnottherighttimetotalk.WhenIbeginshowingsignsofinterest
inher,sherecognizesthatIamcomingoutofthecave,anditisthenatimetotalk.Sometimesshewill
casuallysay,"Whenyoufeelliketalking,Iwouldliketospendsometimetogether.Wouldyouletmeknow
when?"Inthiswayshecantestthewaterswithoutbeingpushyordemanding.
HOWTOCOMMUNICATESUPPORTTOAMARTIAN........................................................................
Evenwhentheyareoutofthecavemenwanttobetrusted.Theydon'tlikeunsolicitedadviceorempathy.
Theyneedtoprovethemselves.Beingabletoaccomplishthingswithoutthehelpofothersisafeatherin
theircap.(While,forawoman,whensomeoneassistsher,havingasupportiverelationshipisafeatherin
hercap.)Amanfeelssupportedwhenawomancommunicatesinawaythatsays"Itrustyoutohandle
thingsunlessyoudirectlyaskforhelp."
Learningtosupportmeninthiswaycanbeverydifficultinthebeginning.Manywomenfeelthattheonly
waytheycangetwhattheyneedinarelationshipistocriticizeamanwhenhemakesmistakesandto
offerunsolicitedadvice.Withoutarolemodelofamotherwhoknewhowtoreceivesupportfromaman,it
doesnotoccurtowomenthatthey canencourageamantogivemorebydirectlyaskingforsupport-
_withoutbeingcriticalorofferingadvice.Inaddition,ifhebehavesinamannerthatshedoesnotlikeshe
cansimplyanddirectly tellhimthatshedoesn'tlikehisbehavior, withoutcastingjudgmentthatheis
wrongorbad.
How to Approach a Man With Criticism or Advice
Withoutanunderstandingofhowthey areturningmen offwith unsolicitedadviceand criticism, many
women feel powerless to get what they need and want from a man. Nancy was frustrated in her
relationships.Shesaid,"Istilldon'tknowhowtoapproachamanwithcriticismandadvice.Whatifhis
tablemannersareatrociousorhedressesreally,reallybadly?Whatifhe'saniceguybutyouseehe'sgot
apatternofbehavingwithpeopleinawaythatmakeshimlooklikeajerkandthat'scausinghimtrouble
inrelationshipswithothers?WhatshouldIdo?NomatterhowItellhim,hegetsangryordefensiveorjust
ignoresme."
Theansweristhatsheshoulddefinitelynotoffercriticismoradviceunlessheasks.Instead,sheshouldtry
givinghimlovingacceptance.Thisiswhatheneeds,notlectures.Ashebeginstofeelheracceptance,he
willbegintoaskwhatshethinks.If,however,hedetectsherdemandingthathechange,hewillnotask
foradviceorsuggestions.Especiallyinanintimaterelationship,menneedtofeelverysecurebeforethey
openupandaskforsupport.