totalkaboutallofherfeelings.
Hemistakenlyassumessheistellinghimaboutherfeelingsbecauseshethinksheissomehowresponsible
ortobeblamed.Becausesheisupsetandsheistalkingtohim,heassumessheisupsetwithhim.When
shecomplainshehearsblame.Manymendon'tunderstandthe(Venusian)needtoshareupsetfeelings
withthepeopletheylove.
Withpracticeandanawarenessofourdifferences,womencanlearnhowtoexpresstheirfeelingswithout
havingthemsoundlikeblaming.Toreassureamanthatheisnotbeingblamed,whenAwomanexpresses
herfeelingsshecouldpauseafterafewminutesofsharingandtellhimhowmuchsheappreciateshimfor
listening.
Shecouldsaysomeofthefollowingcomments:
- "I'msuregladIcantalkaboutit."
- "Itsurefeelsgoodtotalkaboutit."
- "I'mfeelingsorelievedthatIcantalkaboutthis."
- "I'msuregladIcancomplainaboutallthis.Itmakesmefeelsomuchbetter."
- "Well,nowthatI'vetalkedaboutit,Ifeelmuchbetter.Thankyou."
Thissimplechangecanmakeaworldofdifference.
Inthissamevein,asshedescribesherproblemsshecansupporthimbyappreciatingthethingshehas
donetomakeherlifeeasierandmorefulfilling.Forexample,ifsheiscomplainingaboutwork,occasionally
shecouldmentionthatitissonicetohavehiminherlifetocomehometo;ifsheiscomplainingaboutthe
house,thenshecouldmentionthatsheappreciatesthathefixedthefence;orifsheiscomplainingabout
finances, mention that she really appreciates how hard he works; or if she is complaining about the
frustrationsofbeingaparent,shecouldmentionthatsheisgladshehashishelp.
Sharing Responsibility
Good communication requiresparticipation on both sides. Aman needs to work at remembering that
complainingaboutproblemsdoesnotmeanblamingandthatwhenawomancomplainssheisgenerally
justlettinggo ofher frustrationsby talking aboutthem.Awoman canworkatlettinghim knowthat
thoughsheiscomplainingshealsoappreciateshim.
Forexample,mywifejustcameinandaskedhowIwasdoingonthischapter.Isaid,"I'malmostdone.
Howwasyourday?"
Shesaid,"Oh,thereissomuchtodo.Wehardlyhaveanytimetogether."Theoldmewouldhavebecome