andnice,Ilovedback.Butifshewasunhappyorupset,Iwouldfeelblamedandthenargueordistance
myself.
Thatday,forthefirsttime,Ididn'tleaveher.Istayed,anditfeltgreat.Isucceededingivingtoherwhen
shereallyneededme.Thisfeltlikereallove.Caringforanotherperson.Trustinginourlove.Beingthereat
herhourofneed.ImarveledathoweasyitwasformetosupportherwhenIwasshowntheway.
How had I missed this? She just needed meto go over and hold her. Another woman would have
instinctivelyknownwhatBonnieneeded.Butasaman,Ididn'tknowthattouching,holding,andlistening
weresoimportanttoher.ByrecognizingthesedifferencesIbegantolearnanewwayofrelatingtomy
wife.Iwouldhaveneverbelievedwecouldresolveconflictsoeasily.
Inmypreviousrelationships,Ihadbecomeindifferentandunlovingatdifficulttimes,simplybecauseI
didn'tknowwhatelsetodo.Asaresult,myfirstmarriagehadbeenverypainfulanddifficult.
ThisincidentwithBonnierevealedtomehowIcouldchangethispattern.
Itinspiredmysevenyearsofresearchtohelpdevelopandrefinetheinsightsaboutmenandwomenin
this book. By learninginverypracticaland specifictermsabouthow menand womenaredifferent, I
suddenlybegantorealizethatmymarriagedidnotneedtobesuchastruggle.Withthisnewawarenessof
ourdifferencesBonnieandIwereabletoimprovedramaticallyourcommunicationandenjoyeachother
more.
By continuingtorecognizeandexploreourdifferenceswehavediscoverednewwaystoimproveallour
relationships. We havelearned aboutrelationshipsin waysthat ourparents neverknewand therefore
couldnothavetaughtus.AsIbegansharingtheseinsightswithmycounselingclients,theirrelationships
were also enriched. Literally thousands of those who attended my weekend seminars saw their
relationshipsdramaticallytransformovernight.
Sevenyearslaterindividualsandcouplesstillreportsuccessfulbenefits.Ireceivepicturesofhappycouples
and theirchildren, with letters thanking meforsaving their marriage. Although their lovesaved their
marriage,theywouldhavedivorcediftheyhadn'tgainedadeeperunderstandingoftheoppositesex.
SusanandJimhadbeenmarriednineyears.Likemostcouplestheystartedoutlovingeachother,butafter
yearsofincreasingfrustrationanddisappointmenttheylosttheirpassionanddecidedtogiveup.Before
gettingadivorce,however,they attendedmyweekendrelationshipseminar.Susansaid,"Wehavetried
everythingtomakethisrelationshipwork.Wearejusttoodifferent."
Duringtheseminartheywereamazedtolearnthattheirdifferenceswerenotonlynormalbutweretobe
expected.Theywerecomfortedthatothercoupleshadexperiencedthesamepatternsofrelating.Injust
twodays,SusanandJimgainedatotallynewunderstandingofmenandwomen.