Afterhearing aboutmenand rubber bands in the seminar, sheburstinto tearsofforgivenessforher
husband.Sherealizedthat"his"problemwas"their"problem.Sherecognizedhowshehadcontributedto
theirproblem.
Shesaid,"IrememberinourfirstyearofmarriageIwouldopenup,talkaboutmyfeelings,andhewould
justwalkaway.Ithoughthedidn'tloveme.Afterthathappenedafewtimes,Igaveup.Iwasnotwilling
tobehurtagain.Ididnotknowthatatanothertimehewouldbeabletolistentomyfeelings.Ididn'tgive
himachance.Istoppedbeingvulnerable.IwantedhimtoopenupbeforeIwould."
One-sided Conversations
Sandra'sconversationsweregenerallyone-sided. Shewouldtrytogethimtotalkfirstby askinghima
stringofquestions.Then,beforeshecouldsharewhatshewantedtotalkabout,shewouldbecomeupset
withhisshortanswers.Whenshefinallydidshareherfeelings,theywerealwaysthesame.Shewasupset
thathewasnotopen,loving,andsharing.
Aone_sidedconversationmightgolikethis:
SANDRA: Howwasyourday?
LARRY: OK.
SANDRA: Whathappened?
LARRY: Theusual.
SANDRA: Whatdoyoufeellikedoingthisweekend?
LARRY. Idon'tcare.Whatdoyouwanttodo?
SANDRA: Doyouwanttoinviteourfriendsover?
LARRY: Idon'tknow.DoyouknowwheretheTVscheduleis?
SANDRA: (upset)Whydon'tyoutalktome?
LARRY: (Stunnedandsilent.)
SANDRA: Doyouloveme?
LARRY. OfcourseIloveyou.Imarriedyou.
SANDRA: Howcouldyouloveme?Wenevertalkanymore.Howcanyoujustsitthereandsaynothing.
Don'tyoucare?
Atthispoint,Larrywouldgetupandgoforawalk.Whenhecamebackhewouldactasthoughnothing
hadhappened.Sandrawouldalsoactasthougheverythingwasfine,butinsideshewouldwithdrawher