Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus

(Tina Meador) #1

How to Initiate a Conversation with a Man


Themoreawomantriestogetamantotalkthemorehewillresist.Directlytryingtogethimtotalkisnot
thebestapproach,especiallyifheisstretchingaway.Insteadofwonderinghowshecangethimtotalka
betterquestionmightbe"HowcanIachievegreaterintimacy,conversation,andcommunicationwithmy
partner?


Ifawomanfeelstheneedformoretalkintherelationship,andmostwomendo,thenshecaninitiate
moreconversationbutwithamatureawarenessthatnotonlyacceptsbutalsoexpectsthatsometimeshe
willbeavailableandatothertimeshewillinstinctivelypullaway.


Whenheisavailable,insteadofaskinghimtwentyquestionsordemandingthathetalk,shecouldlethim
knowthatsheappreciateshimevenifhejustlistens.Inthebeginningsheshouldevendiscouragehim
fromtalking.


Forexample,Maggiecouldsay"Jeff,wouldyoulistentomeforawhile?I'vehadaharddayandIwantto
talkaboutit.Itwillmakemefeelmuchbetter."AfterMaggietalkedforacoupleofminutesthenshecould
pauseandsay"Ireallyappreciatewhenyoulistentomyfeelings,itmeansalottome."Thisappreciation
encouragesamantolistenmore.


Without appreciation and encouragement, a man may lose interest because he feels as though his
"listening"is"doingnothing."Hedoesn'trealizehowvaluablehislisteningistoher.Mostwomen,however,
instinctivelyknowhowimportantlisteningis.Toexpectamantoknowthiswithoutsometrainingisto
expecthimtobelikeawoman.Fortunately,afterbeingappreciatedforlisteningtoawoman,amandoes
learntorespectthevalueoftalking.


WHENAMANWON'TTALK............................................................................................................


SandraandLarryhadbeenmarriedfortwentyyears.SandrawantedadivorceandLarrywantedtomake
thingswork.


Shesaid,"Howcanhesay hewantstostaymarried? Hedoesn'tloveme.Hedoesn'tfeelanything.He
walksawaywhenIneedhimtotalk.Heiscoldandheartless.Fortwentyyearshehaswithheldhisfeelings.
Iamnotwillingtoforgivehim.Iwillnotstayinthismarriage.Iamtootiredoftryingtogethimtoopen
upandsharehisfeelingsandbevulnerable."


Sandradidn'tknowhowshehadcontributedtotheirproblems.Shethoughtitwasallherhusband'sfault.
Shethoughtshehaddoneeverythingtopromoteintimacy,conversation,andcommunication,andhehad
resistedherfortwentyyears.

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