Lisasaid,"IrealizedIwasblaminghimformyunhappiness.AsItookresponsibility formyhappiness,I
experiencedthatJimwasmoreenergeticandalive.It'slikeamiracle."
OBSTRUCTINGTHEINTIMACYCYCLE............................................................................................
Therearetwowaysawomanmayunknowinglyobstructhermalepartner'snaturalintimacycycle.They
are:(I)chasinghimwhenhepullsaway;and( 2 )punishinghimforpullingaway.
Thefollowingisalistofthemostcommonwaysawoman"chasesaman"andpreventshimfrompulling
away:
CHASINGBEHAVIORS
I.Physical
Whenhepullsaway,shephysicallyfollowshim.Hemaywalkintoanotherroomandshefollows.Orasin
theexampleofLisaandJim,shedoesnotdothethingsshewantstodosothatshecan bewithher
partner.
2 .Emotional
Whenhepullsaway,sheemotionallyfollowshim.Sheworriesabouthim.Shewantstohelphimfeelbetter.
Shefeelssorryforhim.Shesmothershimwithattentionandpraise.
Anotherwayshemayemotionallystophimfrompullingaway istodisapproveofhisneedtobealone.
Throughdisapprovingsheisalsoemotionallypullinghimback.
Anotherapproachistolooklonginglyorhurtwhenhepullsaway.Inthiswayshepleadsforhisintimacy
andhefeelscontrolled.
3 .Mental
Shemaytrytopullhimbackmentallybyaskinghimquestionssuchas"Howcouldyoutreatmethisway?"
or"What'swrongwithyou?"or"Don'tyourealizehowmuchithurtsmewhenyoupullaway?"
Anotherwayshemaytrytopullhimbackistotrytopleasehim.Shebecomesoverlyaccommodating.She
triestobeperfectsohewouldneverhaveanyreasontopullaway.Shegivesuphersenseofselfandtries
tobecomewhatshethinkshewants.
Sheisafraidtorocktheboatforfearthathemightpullaway,andsoshewithholdshertruefeelingsand
avoidsdoinganythingthatmayupsethim.
Thesecondmajorway awomanmayunknowinglyinterruptaman'sintimacy cycleistopunishhimfor
pullingaway.Thefollowingisalistofthemostcommonwaysawoman"punishesaman"andprevents