Use Anger as a Tool, Not as a Weapon 169
and she wanted them to stop. Had she understood the situation
rationally, she would have weighed which goal mattered most
and spoken accordingly. If the dominant goal was to catch her
flight, saying nothing about her anger would probably have
been the best approach. If she wanted to try to meet both goals,
she might have done well to say,
I have underwire in my bra and that’s what’s setting the
alarm off. I am embarrassed with the way you are
touching me. Is there another way you can clear me that
is less intrusive?Would it have worked? I don’t know. PowerPhrases don’t
always work, but they are always your best bet. I am certain that
her chances for success would have been much greater than with
the approach she took.
Express your anger, but don’t sabotage your goals in the
process. If telling them
I am furious about the oversight.is likely to inspire them to be more attentive in the future, say
it! If it is likely to create defensiveness, what is the point in
expressing it?
No amount of indignity justifies speaking in a way that will
backfire on you.
PowerPhrases to Express Anger Say
What You Mean
Saying what you mean when you are angry can be tough,
because when you are angry, you usually don’t know what you