The Gifts of Imperfection: Let Go of Who You Think You’re Supposed to Be and Embrace Who You Are

a   passion for which   we  would   fight   or  die,    and yet we’reLove   is  the most    important   thing   in  our lives,

vocabulary, we  can’t   even    talk    or  think   about   it  directly.reluctant  to  linger  over    its names.  Without a   supple

—   DIANE   ACKERMAN

Love and belonging are essential to the human experience. As I conducted my interviews, I realized
that only one thing separated the men and women who felt a deep sense of love and belonging from
the people who seem to be struggling for it. That one thing is the belief in their worthiness. It’s as
simple and complicated as this: If we want to fully experience love and belonging, we must believe
that we are worthy of love and belonging.

When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness
—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When
we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we
think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly
performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important
piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story.

The greatest challenge for most of us is believing that we are worthy now, right this minute.
Worthiness doesn’t have prerequisites. So many of us have knowingly created/unknowingly
allowed/been handed down a long list of worthiness prerequisites:

I’ll    be  worthy  when    I   lose    twenty  pounds.

I’ll    be  worthy  if  I   can get pregnant.

I’ll    be  worthy  if  I   get/stay    sober.

I’ll    be  worthy  if  everyone    thinks  I’m a   good    parent.

I’ll    be  worthy  when    I   can make    a   living  selling my  art.

I’ll    be  worthy  if  I   can hold    my  marriage    together.

I’ll    be  worthy  when    I   make    partner.

I’ll    be  worthy  when    my  parents finally approve.

I’ll    be  worthy  if  he  calls   back    and asks    me  out.

I’ll    be  worthy  when    I   can do  it  all and look    like    I’m not even    trying.

Here’s what is truly at the heart of Wholeheartedness: Worthy now. Not if. Not when. We are
worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.

In   addition    to  letting     go  of  the     ifs     and     whens,  another     critical    piece   of  owning  our     story   and