0 The Brothers Karamazov
own money, and so I flung myself into a life of pleasure, and
plunged headlong into all the recklessness of youth.
I was fond of reading, yet strange to say, the Bible was the
one book I never opened at that time, though I always car-
ried it about with me, and I was never separated from it; in
very truth I was keeping that book ‘for the day and the hour,
for the month and the year,’ though I knew it not.
After four years of this life, I chanced to be in the town of
K. where our regiment was stationed at the time. We found
the people of the town hospitable, rich, and fond of enter-
tainments. I met with a cordial reception everywhere, as I
was of a lively temperament and was known to be well off,
which always goes a long way in the world. And then a cir-
cumstance happened which was the beginning of it all.
I formed an attachment to a beautiful and intelligent
young girl of noble and lofty character, the daughter of
people much respected. They were well-to-do people of in-
fluence and position. They always gave me a cordial and
friendly reception. I fancied that the young lady looked on
me with favour and my heart was aflame at such an idea.
Later on I saw and fully realised that I perhaps was not so
passionately in love with her at all, but only recognised the
elevation of her mind and character, which I could not in-
deed have helped doing. I was prevented, however, from
making her an offer at the time by my selfishness; I was
loath to part with the allurements of my free and licentious
bachelor life in the heyday of my youth, and with my pock-
ets full of money. I did drop some hint as to my feelings
however, though I put off taking any decisive step for a time.