cumstances," "human infirmity," "I never got a break," "I'm too honest and decent for this world," etc. The concept
of a "real me,'' which bears little relation to anything one says or does in reality, is an especially prevalent anti -
anxiety device, and often coexists with other defense-values.
Defense-values and pseudo-self-esteem do not always or necessarily break down in a violent and dramatic form, as
in the case of the man discussed above, who collapsed into acute anxiety. Often, the process of psychological
erosion and disintegration is quieter, more insidious; the person involved is not brought to a moment of
unmistakable crisis; rather, his energy is slowly drained, he becomes increasingly more subject to fatigue,
depression, and, perhaps, a variety of minor somatic complaints, his pretense at self-value becomes progressively
more frayed and worn—and his life peters out in desolate, meaningless misery, without climaxes, without
explosions, with only an occasional, lethargic wonder, wearily evaded, as to what failure could have so
impoverished his existence.
No evasion, no defense-values, no strategy of self-deception can ever provide a man with a substitute for authentic
self-esteem. The sense of efficacy and virtue men long for, cannot be purchased by any of the self-frauds men
perpetrate. Man needs the conviction that he is right for reality, right in principle—and only a policy of rationality
can achieve it.
Let a man tell himself that self-esteem is to be earned, not by the fullest exercise of his intellect, but by its
abandonment in submission to faith; let him hold that efficacy is attained, not by thinking, but by conformity to the
beliefs of others; let him hold that efficacy consists of gaining love; let him believe that his basic worth is to be
measured by the number of women he sleeps with; or by the number of women he doesn't sleep with; or by the
people he can manipulate; or by the nobility of his dreams; or by the money he gives away; or by the sacrifices he
makes; let him renounce the world; let him lie on a bed of nails—but whatever he may expect to achieve, be it a
moment's self-forgetfulness or a temporary illusion of virtue or a temporary amelioration of guilt, he will not
achieve self-esteem.
The tragedy of most men's lives comes from their attempts to escape this fact.