ofthoughtinhismindwouldfallintowell-worngrooves
and,howeverhardhetriedtoputthemontoanewpath,
sometimes they resisted. Felix’s knowledge as a
geriatricianforced himto recognizehis decline,but it
didn’t make it easier to accept.
“I get blue occasionally,” he said. “I think I have
recurringepisodesofdepression.Theyarenotenoughto
disableme,buttheyare...”Hepausedtofindtheright
word. “They are uncomfortable.”
Whatbuoyedhim,despitehislimitations,washavinga
purpose.Itwasthesamepurpose,hesaid,thatsustained
himinmedicine:tobeofservice,insomeway,tothose
aroundhim.HehadbeeninOrchardCoveforonlyafew
months beforehe washelping to steera committeeto
improve the health care services there. He formed a
journal-reading club for retired physicians. He even
guidedayounggeriatricianthroughherfirstindependent
research study—a survey of the residents’ attitudes
toward Do Not Resuscitate orders.
Moreimportantwastheresponsibilitythathefeltforhis
children and grandchildren—andmost of allfor Bella.
Herblindnessandmemorytroubleshadmadeherdeeply
dependent. Without him, she would have been in a
nursinghome.Hehelpedherdressandadministeredher
medicines.Hemadeherbreakfastandlunch.Hetookher
on walks and to doctor’s appointments. “She is my
purpose now,” he said.
Bella didn’t always like his way of doing things.
“Weargueconstantly—we’reateachotheraboutalotof
things,” Felix said. “But we’re also very forgiving.”