Mars and Venus On a Date :

together, since she was so positive in her response. Instead of
getting a list of things that could be wrong or go wrong, he got
her support. This brought the fun back into their dating.

When Rick Complimented Colleen

In the beginning, Rick used to compliment Colleen. She used
to smile and let it in. As they continued to date, when he
complimented her, she stopped responding. She would
sometimes say things like “Oh, I really don’t like my hair this
way,” or “I can’t believe that; this dress is really on the way
out,” or “I really didn’t have time to get ready,” or “Oh, you’re
just saying that; I must look awful.” After a while, Rick just
stopped complimenting her. He didn’t even know that the
change had occurred.
In the workshop he learned the importance of compliments
and so he started giving them again. He asked Colleen just to
let them in and say thanks. Colleen was open to learning about
their differences and was willing to practice responding in a
positive way to his compliments. After a few months, she said
not only that she liked them more, but that she had started to
believe them.

REALIZING THE PURPOSE OF STAGE THREE

Without understanding the purpose of the third stage, a couple
can easily miss creating the experiences that will determine
the outcome of their relationship. Each partner must experience
the best the other has to offer. Both need to experience that
they have the power to give of themselves and be successful.
In stage three, they need to create a history of dates where
he has succeeded and she feels supported. In the future, when

88 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.