He didn’t know what to do, so he didn’t do anything. When
she called again and he heard how much he hurt her, he agreed
to end the relationship. He felt sorry, but that was all he could
do. He couldn’t change his feelings and he definitely didn’t
want to keep hurting her.
Getting Hot and Then ColdSix months later, after taking a Mars/Venus workshop,
Derrick learned that men were like rubber bands. It suddenly
made complete sense to him why he had been so hot and cold
with Rochelle. He had gotten really close and experienced being
intimate with her. Then while he was pulling away, she called
him. He couldn’t reassure her of his feelings for her because
he was not feeling them. He assumed that she was just the
wrong person for him. He wondered what would have
happened if they had taken more time to get to know each
other instead of rushing into stage four of the relationship.
Although he wasn’t feeling a deep hunger to be with her, as
before, he did miss her. He decided to call her and explain
what he thought had happened. They went to dinner to discuss
the insights he had gained in the workshop.
One thing led to another and they continued to date each
other. This time, although it was hard to refrain from having
sex, they went more slowly. They decided to experiment to
give their relationship a chance and took the time necessary
to move through the different stages of dating.
When they finally reached the fourth stage, Derrick started
feeling his need to pull away again. Like a stretched rubber
band, he would spring back. This time, his need to pull away
was not as intense because he had taken enough time to devel-
op their relationship. When he pulled away it was only a few
days before he started to miss her a lot. Derrick and Rochelle
had
104 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.