when he pulls away. If he has not experienced enough love,
then the rubber band breaks. Let’s explore an example.
Love at First SightWhen Derrick, thirty-two years old, first met Rochelle, who
was thirty years old, he fell in love. It was love at first sight.
Within a few dates they were already feeling and acting like
soul mates. Derrick would call several times every day. They
spent weekends together sharing everything. Derrick had
never felt so passionate. Rochelle had been swept off her feet.
Their relationship was romantic; they just couldn’t get enough
of each other.
Then after three weeks, Derrick stopped calling. Rochelle
couldn’t understand why. She worried that something had
happened to him. She called him at work, but nothing was
wrong. He was friendly, though definitely different. He didn’t
even plan a date with her. Rochelle was offended. She couldn’t
believe he could change so quickly from hot to cold. She acted
nice but was devastated inside. She felt hurt that he talked to
her as if she were just a friend.
She waited for two days and he still didn’t call her. She
couldn’t believe it. She never wanted to see him again. She
then proceeded to call and let him know how she felt. After a
very uncomfortable call, they ended their relationship. She felt
hurt and resentful, while he felt bad for hurting her.
He hadn’t meant to lead her on. He had thought she was
the one. All he knew was that one morning he woke up next
to her and all he could feel is that she wasn’t the one. He felt
an almost uncontrollable urge to get away. As they had
breakfast together, he began comparing her with the ideal
woman in his mind. She just didn’t measure up to what he
wanted. As suddenly as he had fallen in love with her, he was
now no longer in love with her.
STAGE FOUR: INTIMACY / 103