developed enough of a relationship so that when he pulled
away the rubber band didn’t break. After about a year, they
got married, and to this day they are very happy together.
THE FOUR DOORWAYS TO INTIMACY
There are four doorways to connecting and experiencing true
intimacy. As discussed earlier, they are physical, emotional,
mental and spiritual. Until we have prepared each of these
different aspects of who we are, we are not ready to become
deeply intimate in a relationship. If we rush into being too in-
timate before we are ready, the results will be counterproduct-
ive.
The first three stages of dating prepare us to experience in-
timacy. As we take the time to experience and develop physical,
emotional, mental, and spiritual chemistry, we become capable
of getting closer. If we become physically or emotionally con-
nected before we feel mentally or spiritually connected, then
we may feel incomplete.
We wake up the next day wondering who that person was
with whom we just connected. Instead of wanting to get closer,
we will want to get away. Or it may go the opposite way. We
might feel, That felt good but something was missing; I need
more.
When couples connect too soon, the man generally ends up
pulling away, while the woman feels more needy. Some
neediness and some pulling away are fine, but when we are
not prepared on all levels, these two reactions are even
stronger.
A man may pull away so intensely that he doesn’t come
back to the relationship. A woman will feel so needy that she
will begin to pursue the man as he pulls away and turn him
off. By first opening all four doorways, a man and woman be-
come ready to experience true intimacy.
When couples rush into intimacy, the tendency for a man
to
STAGE FOUR: INTIMACY / 105