Being engaged provides a strong and
necessary foundation for taking on the
challenges of moving in and sharing the
complexities of life with a partner.THE GIFTS OF ENGAGEMENT
The gifts of engagement are equally important but different
for men and women. A woman will be more successful in
marriage by remembering the clear and loving feelings she
experienced while being engaged. For the rest of her life, she
will be able to reach back and reconnect with the part of her
that trusts, accepts, and appreciates her partner.
The special commitment her partner makes to her helps her
to find the part of her that is self-assured, receptive, and re-
sponsive. Later on, when life becomes mundane and routine,
she will be able to reach back and find the part of her that can
create romance and is inspired by giving and receiving love.
During the engagement, a man also collects a series of exper-
iences and memories that will affect him for the rest of his life.
When he experiences his partner without the stresses of mar-
riage, but with the clear recognition that he wants to share his
life with her, he is able to feel his most confident, purposeful,
and responsible self.
Without the pressures of marriage, a man has many oppor-
tunities to experience his power to provide. This confidence
gives him the power and commitment to solve the problems
and resolve the conflicts that will arise in the future.
112 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.