A woman in stage five doesn’t mind practicing being forgiv-
ing. After all, unlike her married counterpart, she hasn’t exper-
ienced her partner’s repeating certain mistakes for years. In
stage five, she anticipates that he will continue to be considerate
of her needs. As a result, she is most open to practicing forgive-
ness.
When a woman deliberately chooses to focus on creating a
positive and receptive attitude by forgiving, she then discovers
how much a man really wants to please her and support her.
She begins to trust that he really is doing his best and that he
can provide more and more of what she wants. She experiences
and learns that her love, not her punishments, brings out the
best in him.
MARRIAGE IS A MAGNIFYING GLASS
Engagement is the best time to practice because we are not yet
married. It is still practice. It is still warming up to the real
thing. Marriage is like a magnifying glass. Everything becomes
bigger. Our love grows, but our problems and pressures be-
come bigger as well. By practicing before marriage on issues
that come up, both partners become more receptive.
In this stage, the man feels completely accepted after the
woman has just agreed to marry him. It is at this time that he
is most confident and responsible and therefore more willing
to make apologies for his mistakes. The more he apologizes
and gets forgiven, the more he will feel free to acknowledge
his mistakes and correct certain behaviors in the future.
The more a man apologizes and is forgiven,
the more considerate he becomes.116 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.