wants. I’m still just getting to know him. I’m not ready. Al-
though a woman greatly appreciates a man’s attention and his
desire to be with her, when he comes on too strong she may
become like a Martian and want her space.
When a man’s advances consistently make a woman feel
she is not ready, her tendency to move on is restricted. As a
woman begins to experience that she can and will get the
support she needs, then she will become ready to move on to
the next stage.
IF SHE IS IN STAGE TWO (UNCERTAINTY) and he behaves as if he
is in stage three, four, or five, then her reaction might be, How
can he want me so much? He doesn’t even know me. When
he really gets to know me he will leave me. I don’t want to be
hurt. I don’t want to get my hopes up. He thinks I am so perfect
and I’m not. I can’t trust his instincts. Although it is perfectly
normal to doubt a man, when he comes on too strong, it can
prevent a woman from trusting him enough to move on to an
exclusive relationship.
Once again, the sad truth is that the more he likes her the
more she will pull away and mistrust him simply because he
doesn’t realize the importance of respecting each of the stages.
When a woman senses that a man is making sure he is the right
person for her, then that attitude helps her find the assurance
she needs in order to move on to an exclusive relationship.
Quite often men complain to me that women are not attrac-
ted to nice guys but that they get involved with guys who don’t
even seem to care. First of all, it is a myth that women don’t
get involved with nice guys. How many women whisper to a
friend before they walk down the aisle, “I am so excited....
He’s such a jerk”?
138 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.