It is a mistake to believe that if she turns him on, fulfills his
every need, and happily accommodates his wishes, he will do
the same for her. Some women are taught that for a woman to
get a man to love her, she should be pleased by everything he
does, wait on him hand and foot, and laugh at all his jokes.
Although this might work if he did this for her, when a woman
gives in this way, she unknowingly lessens the attraction.
Men can also live in the promise. A man can fall in love with
a woman and feel that he is the right man for her, that he holds
the key to her ultimate happiness. Because he anticipates
making her so happy, he behaves as if she is perfect. He be-
haves as if he is certain that he can make her happy. As we
have discussed, when a man’s behavior is too strong and he
promises too much too quickly, it can backfire and cause a
woman to close up.
By taking the time to move together through the five stages
of dating, both men and women can minimize the illusions of
living in the promise. By overcoming the challenges of each of
the stages, we can learn the necessary lessons of love.
142 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.