enthusiasm. Quite automatically, he becomes challenged to
become more involved.
Many women unknowingly diffuse this tension by quickly
returning the gift. Instead of receiving the gift and letting the
man savor the feeling of success, a woman will shift gears from
being receptive to being actively interested in giving to him.
She will begin planning how she will repay his gift. This shift
will ultimately lessen his interest.
When a woman doesn’t clearly know her worth or value to
a man, then it can be hard for her to be receptive to his active
interest. Instead of simply receiving, she feels she must keep
giving back. She doesn’t realize that by simply receiving, she
is giving a gift. Not only is it not necessary for her to give back,
but giving back can also prevent him from being more inter-
ested.
A woman mistakenly thinks that to be worthy
of receiving what she really wants, she must
keep giving back what she is receiving.The tendency to give back is just so automatic that a woman
may not even know she is doing it. After all, on her planet it
is just good manners to give back immediately. Let’s use the
example of the massage to explore some of the thoughts and
feelings a woman might have when she is unable to receive.
As you will see, initially she has the same feelings a receptive
woman has, but quickly they turn into thoughts and feelings
expressive of active interest. These are some of her thoughts
and feelings:
I would love a massage, but what will he expect from me?
I wonder what he would like from me.
Ooh, this feels good. I should give him a massage. I wonder
what approach I should use on him.THE DYNAMICS OF MALE AND FEMALE DESIRE / 185