master the art of politely interrupting. To do this, it is helpful
for women to remember that it’s not that he doesn’t care
enough to ask questions; it’s that he is from Mars and doesn’t
instinctively know how important it is to show he cares by
asking questions. He thinks he is showing how much he cares
by answering her questions.
- Interrupting Did Not Work in the Past
Another reason it can be hard for women to interrupt is that
by the time they do interrupt they are so angry. While a woman
is listening, she may begin to resent that he doesn’t even care
what she thinks. She may feel humiliated or offended that she
is being ignored or excluded. By the time she does interrupt,
the tone of her voice indicates to a man that he has done
something wrong.
To him this doesn’t make sense and seems unfair, because
from his side he has been innocently open to her joining in at
any time. He feels unjustly attacked or blamed for something
he did not do. As a result, he may become defensive and res-
istant to what she has to say. Naturally, if this has occurred in
the past, a woman will have some reservations about trying it
again. With an understanding of how men are different, how-
ever, a woman can eventually learn to interrupt.
THE FIRST STEP
In learning to interrupt, the first step for a woman is to remem-
ber that men and women approach dating differently. A man’s
automatic way of showing interest is to advertise. If he is not
taking the time to listen, it is probably because he is advertising.
This means he is interested and very receptive to being inter-
rupted. Even if he seems interested only in hearing
224 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.