Men and women come to relationships for different reasons.
A man is most interested in a relationship when he feels he
has something to offer and share. When he feels good about
himself and his work, then he wants to share that with a wo-
man. The more competent a man feels in the presence of a
woman, the more attracted he will be to her.
To increase the opportunity for a man to feel attracted to a
woman, if she feels she would like his advice on something,
then by all means she should ask. Whenever a man gets to feel
useful to a woman, he will feel more proud of himself and like
her more. The more interested a woman is in what a man can
offer her, the more interested he becomes in her.
When she does ask for his advice, her response is very im-
portant. If she disagrees with his advice or doesn’t like it, she
must be careful to allow him to save face. He needs to at least
get the message that she appreciated his attempt to help. An-
other man would instinctively know how to do this, but a
woman will not.
Without an understanding of our differences, a woman
commonly turns a man off by pointing out what she doesn’t
like about his advice. Particularly when she doesn’t want to
use the advice, she will think it is polite to explain in great
detail why she disagrees with it. In the end he feels frustrated,
as if he has wasted his time.
If a woman disagrees with his advice or doesn’t value it
enough to use it, then these are some comments that will allow
him to save face. These are the kind of comments any man
would give to another out of respect:
“That’s a good idea. I would have never thought of that.
Thanks. That’s very helpful.”
“That’s very interesting. Thanks. That makes it easier for me
to figure out what to do.”264 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.