like proving that they can do things alone, if they can. If they
can’t, then it is fine to ask for help, and they will.
To offer to help a man solve a problem
implies that he doesn’t have the
competence to do it himself.When talking to a man in person or on the phone, it is im-
portant to remember not to offer advice, and not to suggest
that he get help for something. This can be a real turnoff. He
is not stupid. He knows he can get advice.
I remember once when I was trying to fix the toilet, my wife
sensed my frustration and came in hoping to help. After a
while, she said, “I bet if you called the plumber, he would
know what to do.” In her mind, she was just letting me know
that I didn’t have to fix it. While she was just being polite on
her planet, it was an insult on Mars. I certainly already knew
that I could call a plumber. I didn’t need her to tell me that.
The best thing she could have done would have been just to
ignore my frustration and go about her business.
When a woman calls a man back, she must be very clear
about this. If she calls to offer help, she loses him. If she calls
to get help, he will feel complimented.
HOW TO ASK A MAN OUT
With this in-depth understanding of men, it becomes clear
why it works best for the man to ask the woman out. There
are some ways that a woman can ask a man out without being
too aggressive about it or running the risk of becoming the
pursuer.
Instead of asking him out on a romantic date, she can ask
him to help her with something or accompany her some
266 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.