When a Woman Wants to Wait to Have SexSome women are closed to the process of dating because
they feel under pressure to be fully sexual before they are
ready. They don’t even want to date because men expect so
much. Men expect it because it seems as if everyone else is
getting it. On television it is everywhere. And there are many
women who freely give it. As a result, other women don’t
realize that there are alternatives.
When a woman becomes sexual before she is ready, then
she has stopped being receptive and becomes accommodating.
Instead of allowing a man to please her, she tries to please him.
In this way she compromises her position. If she is not open
at all, a man may become frustrated as well. There is a middle
ground here. Let’s look at an example.
David was very attracted to Suzanne. After dating for several
months they had moved into stage three, exclusivity. David
was used to having sex with the women he dated and he was
not monogamous. He was thirty-five and had been married
before. After learning about the five stages of dating, he agreed
to shift his way of dating and become more discerning about
the women he dated. Then he met Suzanne.
Suzanne was thirty-two and had also been married before.
She was so special that David quickly decided to be exclusive.
He told her how much he loved her and wanted to make love
with her. She was very clear that she didn’t want to have sex
right away. He then asked about kissing and being physically
affectionate. She said, “I would like to do that, but I don’t want
to have to be pushing you away all the time. So I would rather
do nothing.”
He said, “What if I promise that I will only go to first and
second base?” She said that would be fine, but the deal was
up if he tried to steal third. He agreed.
David was very happy for a while and so was Suzanne.
282 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.