Retelling an AdventureI was once sitting in a hot tub on a cruise when a young
dating couple got in. After I asked about their journey on the
island of Mykonos, she proceeded to tell me and everyone else
in great detail their adventure.
She said, “My boyfriend, Bill, decided we should rent mo-
peds, and as soon as we got out of town, mine broke down.
We were stranded most of the day. He really got upset and
lost it. Finally we got back and spent the rest of the day at the
beach.”
I watched him shrink in embarrassment as she told this story.
The other women in the hot tub asked more questions, and
not one of the women realized that this story had totally em-
barrassed her date. As more people came and went she contin-
ued to tell the same story. Well, it was no surprise to me that
he quickly got out and later they were not talking to each other.
He was embarrassed and steaming mad.
As I listened to the story, I realized how she could have told
it a little differently and he would have been proud. There was
no negative intent on her part, it was just her not understanding
Martian sensitivities.
She could have said, “We had an incredible adventure.
Mykonos is such a beautiful island. Bill decided to rent mopeds.
I thought it was such a great idea. He arranged the whole thing
and got a great deal. Unfortunately, when we reached the
outskirts of the city my moped broke down. I thought we were
stranded. I didn’t know what to do. Bill was great. He assured
me that everything would be fine and proceeded to flag down
every car that passed. Finally, he got us back safely and we
had a lovely day at the beach. They have the most beautiful
beaches and the water is so clear.”
All of the above was also true and accurately expressed how
she felt. It was just a matter of consciously focusing on
288 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.