for me and now you have wasted three years of my life.”
In personal counseling she would pine away, feeling, “How
can someone you love so much not be the right one? Why does
this relationship have to end?” When I assured her that she
would find someone better, she just wouldn’t believe it.
To some extent, almost anyone who has ever been rejected
in a relationship that ended has felt some of Susan’s feelings.
Certainly, it is normal to have these kinds of feelings, but they
must be released and replaced by positive feelings of love and
forgiveness.
When Susan Got Involved AgainAfter about three months, Susan did get involved again. She
fell deeply in love with Jack. Everything was moving along
fine for about a year, but then Susan realized that Jack was
wrong for her. She loved Jack, but as she got to know him
better, she realized that he just wasn’t the right person for her.
When she tried to end her relationship with Jack, he kept
asking her to reconsider and try again. Susan felt guilty leaving
Jack because he was feeling so hurt. They tried for a few more
months, but eventually Susan saw that it was just going to get
worse. She actually heard Jack say things about her that she
had told Bill when he wanted to leave her.
It was then that Susan was open to knowing that you could
love someone but not want to marry him. In personal counsel-
ing sessions, Susan was finally able to forgive Bill. She could
now understand why he left. Before, she just didn’t get it. With
this new understanding, she was now able to think about Bill
in a friendly way; she was able to release the resentment she
felt in her heart.
22 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.