fortable, you become a better person. Your soul has a chance
to grow.
When a caterpillar makes its transformation into a butterfly,
it is not an easy process. The little butterfly struggles to break
free of the cocoon. In that very process of struggling to get out,
the butterfly exercises its wing muscles and builds up the ne-
cessary strength to fly. If you compassionately cut open the
cocoon to make it easier for the butterfly, it will never gain the
strength to fly. Instead it just dies.
If your life partner did not challenge you in some ways, the
best would not be drawn from you. Soul mates are the perfect
partners to bring out the best in us, and sometimes that is done
by having to work through issues. In a marriage, you have to
overcome all kinds of negative tendencies—being too judg-
mental, critical, selfish, compliant, demanding, needy, rigid,
accommodating, righteous, doubtful, impatient, and so on. A
soul mate gives you the opportunity to rise above these tend-
encies. When your dark side surfaces, you become stronger
and more loving by exercising the love you feel deep in your
heart to resolve an issue. In this process your soul, like the
butterfly, has a chance to fly free.
WHEN YOU CAN’T MAKE UP YOUR MIND
If you are the type who expects perfection, you may never be
satisfied with one person unless you are first able to open your
heart. When we can’t make up our minds about a person, the
secret of success is to give the relationship a chance until you
clearly “just know.” Then if this is the right person, you get
engaged. If not, you break up and don’t look back for at least
a year. Let’s look at an example.
Richard is forty-seven years old. He has never been married,
but has dated hundreds of women. He is attractive,
26 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.