never be able to make up his mind and settle down.
Just as Jason is making a mistake to be seeing so many wo-
men, the women who date Jason are making a big mistake as
well. They are willing to have sex with him and they are not
in any way being assured by him that he is exclusive. These
women make the common mistake of pursuing a man more
than he is pursuing them.
Jason will talk to one partner about the problems in his life,
which include his difficulties in his relationships with other
women. This kind of intimate discussion is completely inap-
propriate and it ends up making the man more ambivalent. A
woman should not behave with a man as if she is exclusive or
intimate if he is still working through issues with other women.
And she should not mistakenly believe that if she listens
sympathetically to him, he will become convinced she is the
one for him.
When a woman makes the mistake of dating a man and be-
having as if she is in an exclusive, intimate relationship, when
in truth the man is seeing other women, then it will be very
difficult for the man to ever become clear and recognize her
as his soul mate.
INCREASING DISCERNMENT
Each time we use dating as an opportunity to move through
the different stages, our ability to discern and recognize the
right person increases. Even the wrong person becomes the
right person to help us self-correct and move on. Through
making sure that you relate appropriately to the stage of the
relationship you are in, your chances of eventually finding the
right person for you go up dramatically.
This understanding of the five stages of dating will prepare
you to recognize when true and lasting love is possible with
a
30 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.