of the car, unlocks the door, and lets her in. After she is com-
fortably seated, he closes the door. She smiles and thanks him.
Then he walks around to his side of the car to get in. What
does she do? Does she reach across to unlock his door or let
him unlock his door as well?
When a woman doesn’t understand the dynamics of creating
attraction and giving a man the distance he needs to pursue
her, her tendency is to reach across the car, even if it is very
uncomfortable to do, and open his door. Although this seems
like the fair and loving thing to do, it is not. It is over-giving,
it compromises her position, and it prevents the excitement of
anticipation and romance from building in a man and in her
as well.
When a woman is too eager to please,
a man doesn’t experience the distance
he needs to pursue her.Some women argue that it would be selfish not to reach over
to his side of the car and return the gesture. Quite often these
are the single women in the audience and not the married ones.
Now, certainly, if there is an unlock button on her side of the
car, it could be okay to find it and push it, but to twist her body
and reach way over, particularly when she is all dressed up,
is neither graceful nor receptive. The whole point of the dating
ritual is for the man to do little things to show his interest and
caring and for the woman to receive him and take some time
to discover how interested she is.
If she is going to reach over and unlock the door, then why
would he have bothered to escort her to the car door in the
first place? He is trying to be a gentleman and do something
nice. She should let him be successful and gracefully receive
and benefit from his gift.
42 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.