FOUR DEGREES OF PHYSICAL INTIMACY
A woman can say yes to different degrees of sex without having
to go all the way. This is a very important insight, because to
avoid intercourse, many woman will not be physically affec-
tionate or sexual at all. For a woman to feel comfortable being
physically intimate, she needs to share a clear picture of how
far she wants to go, and she must get a clear message from the
man that he will respect what she wants.
It can be very uncomfortable or difficult for a woman to say
no to a man when she is in the heat of arousal. When she is
kissing him and he wants to go further, she doesn’t always
want to be saying no. To facilitate clear conversation with a
man about sex, baseball can provide some helpful examples.
Getting on First BaseThere are basically four degrees of sexual or physical intim-
acy. As in the game of baseball, each degree can be likened to
getting onto another base. Getting on first base has to do with
kissing and affection. At first, people casually or unintention-
ally touch. They may spend many minutes gazing into each
other’s eyes while sharing a meal together. Then he holds her
hand, puts his arm around her, or gives her a kiss. Gradually
their kissing becomes more lengthy and passionate.
As they get to know each other, he feels very comfortable
putting his arm around her and holding hands in private and
in public. In private they may spend hours cuddled up together
or passionately kissing and pressing their bodies together.
Although there is a lot of passion, they purposefully restrict
the stimulation to lots of kissing, cuddling, embracing, and
rolling around and alternately lying on each other.
60 / JOHN GRAY, PH.D.