trying to change him in any way, and appreciating what he
offers regardless of how much better she might like something
else.
Her role is to give him the opportunity to keep succeeding;
his role is to keep succeeding. In stage three, learning to create
a receptive attitude can be as challenging for a woman as it is
for a man to continue giving when his automatic tendency is
to relax. Just as a man tends to take for granted that a woman
is getting what she needs because he is being exclusive, women
take for granted that men should be more giving and support-
ive.
DON’T TAKE YOUR DATE FOR GRANTED
It is easy on a first date to be responsive. After a woman has
been dating a man for a while, when he still makes some of
the same mistakes, then she can easily make the mistake of
being too critical. Rather than focus on what she can do for a
man, she needs to focus on creating a receptive attitude.
Without making a conscious decision to put her best foot for-
ward, she can easily begin to expect his support in a way that
takes him for granted.
She can easily forget to be responsive. Being responsive is
at first automatic, but then a woman must consciously make
a choice to focus on and express her positive responses. After
expressing her positive responses becomes an automatic habit,
a woman is ready to move into the intimacy stage of a relation-
ship. Here are some examples from dating couples who came
for counseling or participated in Mars/Venus workshops.
When Tom Was LateIn the beginning, when Earl was late, Dawn would think,
Well, he is just getting used to where I live. A few months
STAGE THREE: EXCLUSIVITY / 83