Model Marriage by Bishop Dag Heward Mills

Tips on Relating to Your Spouse’s Temperament

What to Do if You Are Married to a Choleric Husband or Wife

1. Accept their weaknesses.


2. Maintain a sense of obedience––the choleric husband likes his wife to:
   a. be supportive and submissive
   b. see things his way
   c. co-operate quickly
   d. let him take credit.


3. Recognize that your husband has extraordinary instincts and a natural flair for
   leadership. It will then become easier to follow his lead.


4. The choleric dislikes people who are lazy and not interested in working
   constantly; they also dislike people who resist their authority, get independent or
   are not loyal.


5. The husband or wife of a choleric has a right to let his/her spouse know exactly
   where she stands and whether he’s standing on her toes. But once this has been
   clearly communicated, the other partner should back off and try praying. There’s
   power in prayer––put it to work for you.^3 Constant nagging won’t do any good.
   It may make your husband intractable.


6. Appreciate your spouse’s accomplishments: he/she wants recognition for his/her
   many accomplishments.^4

What to Do if You Are Married to a Melancholic Husband or

Wife

1. Give them stability––Melancholics often have a passion for organization and
   schedules. They want to see things done in a certain way at a certain time
   everyday. For them, that creates stability.


2. Give them space––Melancholics need some space that is exclusively theirs and
   not for their spouses or children.


3. Give them silence––Give them some quiet moments, like times when there is no
   TV on; no screaming kids, no phone calls, and no continual chatting. Do this at
   least once a week.


4. Be sensitive to the things that concern them––at least try!^5

What to Do if You Are Married to a Phlegmatic Husband or Wife

1. Give him peace––His primary motivation in life is to avoid conflict and chaos. If
   he comes home to meet children screaming, kitchen torn apart, or a wife who is
   “ready to kill someone” he will immediately retreat to the settee, TV, or fall asleep
   quickly. It is his way of escaping “the madness”. Make your home a refuge from
   the storm.