50 EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot
change, Courage to change the things which should
be changed, And the wisdom to know the difference,
Reinhold Niebuhr
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Reflect on what you learned about emotions from the adults in your life
when you were a child. Take this sentence and fill in the gaps:
‘Because of what happened when...,
I am likely to start feeling... when... Perhaps that’s why...’
For example ‘Because Mum and Dad were always arguing when I
was a child, I am likely to start feeling nervous when people raise their
voices. Perhaps that’s why I prefer to avoid confrontation.’
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Own your emotions: they all originate inside you. They are your response
to what you perceive and believe about what happens around you.
People frequently make statements like, ‘My husband annoyed me’,
‘You’re winding me up’ or ‘You’re p****g me off,’ but there’s no real
validity to any of them. Others can trigger emotional responses, but
they can’t makeyou feel anything. You and you alone create your
emotions.
It would be more correct to say, ‘My husband’s behaviour triggered a
response of annoyance in me.’ ‘I am responding to your behaviour with
a feeling of irritation.’
Accepting full responsibility for your emotions is the basis of
emotional intelligence.
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