Get your timing right when touching another person. Holding the touch
for longer than three seconds makes the other person wonder what your
intentions are.
Save the double-handed handshake and the touching with your non-shaking
hand for people of equal or lower status to you. You may be perceived as overly
ambitious or familiar if you touch someone with a higher status this way.
The longer the touch, the more intense the message. If you know the person
you’re speaking to well and you have a good rapport, you can feel comfort-
able touching that person at length. If you don’t know someone very well
you’re both likely to feel uncomfortable touching. Think of times when you’ve
accidentally brushed up against a stranger or someone you didn’t know very
well. You probably pulled away quite quickly.
Demonstrating dominance ................................................................
Something to remember about touching is that it’s a hierarchical gesture. The
person who initiates the touch holds the authority. The doctor touches the
patient, the teacher touches the student, and the priest touches the parish-
ioner. For a person of lower status to initiate touch with someone holding a
higher position is considered impertinent.
At his annual summer office party Paul, the chairman of the company, circu-
lated amongst his staff, placing his hand on the shoulders of many of the
younger men, and giving the female employees a squeeze on the upper arm in
greeting. Not one of the staff members responded in a similar way. Whether
they were aware of it or not, they knew it would be inappropriate and imper-
tinent to reciprocate the touch.
Your gender determines, to a large extent, what your touch means. A male
boss who touches his female secretary, does so as a sign of power and con-
trol. Woe betide the female subordinate who touches her male manager or
the female boss who touches her male employee. Whereas a man’s touch is
perceived as paternal and powerful, a woman’s touch is interpreted as a pre-
lude to intimacy with sexual intent. Even in today’s world of supposed gender
equality, men struggle with the concept of women and power.
Avoid touching work colleagues. Because of laws governing behaviour in the
work place you can receive a formal complaint for making a gesture that may
be interpreted as inappropriate physical contact.
Research suggests that men perceive women as ‘uptight’ when they complain
about men presumptuously touching them. Female students and women
working in restaurants, offices, and factories are used to being touched by
Chapter 8: Arming Yourself 135