Body Language

Say that you think the person sitting across from you is attractive, but

you’d feel a fool coming out and saying so. The other person may feel a

bit threatened or uncomfortable if you expressed your feelings out loud.

So, what to do? You establish eye contact and hold it a little longer than

usual, you give a little smile, and if you’re a woman you may drop your

chin a fraction and look up from under your eyebrows. If you’re a man you

probably tilt your head back. Not a word’s been spoken, yet a frisson is in

the air.

You may want to send a message telling someone that his behaviour isn’t

acceptable. A lowered brow, tightened lips, and a slight shake of the head

are usually enough to make your point.

A disapproving look may not always be enough. William was a 4-year-old

pageboy at his uncle’s wedding. William’s mother was seated near enough

to her son to catch his eye, but not near enough to grab his hand. During

the ceremony William became fractious and began playing with the other

young attendants, in spite of his mother’s attempts to control his behaviour

with her facial signals. No matter how much she frowned, put her index

finger to her pursed lips while shaking her head in a definite, ‘No’ gesture,

William took no notice. Finally, he turned his head sharply in the direction

of his mother, frowned for all he was worth, and made a face at her – his

little way of saying, ‘I know what you want and I’m going to do this my way!’

The next time you disagree with your boss, partner, or associate and believe

that it would be inappropriate to say so out loud, you can engage the other

person in a bit of ocular one-upmanship. Hold the person’s gaze slightly

longer than you would normally, with your lips tightly closed. If your timing’s

right your expression states your position without saying a word.

62 Part II: Starting at the Top

The engine behind the expression

The facial nerve (cranial nerve VII) that controls

your facial muscles is like a tree. The tap root is

located in the brain, and three branches extend

from it. The first controls the tearing and sali-

vating process. The second branch is responsi-

ble for transmitting taste messages. The third

branch sends facial expressions such as the

smile, frown, and squint. Because human facial

skin is flexible and responds quickly to brain

impulses most people can express themselves

easily without speaking a word.