resolve on their pet points. Most see negotiating as an opportunity to con-
vince others and, consequently, talk more than necessary or prudent.
Instead of listening, we are thinking of what we are going to say next. Yet
empathy with the other party’s point of view will hasten the resolution.
By clamping our mouths shut and allowing the other party to talk, we
can pick up valuable pieces of emotional information, such as:
- Their comfort levels
- Their negotiating style
- Their mini-max limits
- Their perceptions of us
We learn none of these lessons while our mouths are moving. By lis-
tening, we learn to empathize with the issues that are important to the
other party. This information may end up being your most valuable asset in
getting negotiations done.
Max Bazerman and Margaret Neale, in Negotiating Rationally, write, “We
have found that managers who take into account the other side’s perspec-
tive are most successful in negotiation simulations. This focus allows them
to better predict the opponent’s behavior. Most people have a hard time
thinking this way. Overall, executives in a negotiation tend to act as if their
opponents are inactive and ignore the valuable information that can be
learned by thinking about the other side’s decisions.”
By focusing on empathy, we learn the material and emotional issues
that matter most to the party we are negotiating with. Maybe they are stuck
on a point, not for material reasons, but because if they concede they will
lose face with a superior. They may need a concession somewhere else to
make this palatable. These valuable insights come through focused listen-
ing and the emotional radar of empathy.
EARNING RESPECT
“I was negotiating a contract with one of my top accounts, when
the party I was negotiating with starting talking about what a pain
in the butt another consultant was in their most recent negotiation.
I just sat back and learned as they revealed how this person had
taken a hard-core stance with no bend and had assumed an adver-
sarial posture. They admitted that the consultant had gotten the bet-
ter of them in the negotiation, but also confessed that they ‘would
dump him as soon as they could’ because of the way he approached
the process. It made me feel much better about my long-term rela-Negotiating Emotion 239