management system for controlling our worst negative impulses. I’ve met
many people who, excelling in the skill of restraint, use clichés or acronyms
as the first step in their emotional management system.
For example, the HALT acronym taught by Alcoholics Anonymous rec-
ommends restraint, especially in times when we are hungry, angry, lonely,
or tired. This is a wise impediment to emotional impulsivity, as we are all
emotionally vulnerable in these states.
I remember golfing with a fellow who was playing horribly but display-
ing extraordinary restraint, and I asked him, “How do you keep your cool
so well?”
He answered, “Whenever I feel the urge to blow up, I remember my
ABCs—attitude-behavior-control. My attitude will affect my behavior. My
behavior will affect my control. Once I lose control, I have no hope of fix-
ing the problem, and I end up embarrassing myself.”
I got the feeling as he explained his restraint model that he had learned
this lesson the hard way.
We all need to find a way to keep our hands on the emotional steering
wheel when our emotions are raging and disturbed. Control in the first mo-
ments is critical to a safe landing. This section of the book will discuss mech-
anisms for dealing with disturbing emotions, managing stress, and keeping
our perspectives through emotional upsets. Prior to setting these mecha-
nisms in place, each of us must discover our level of awareness in the form
of an “amygdala checkup.” Once you identify specific arenas of emotional
vulnerability, you are halfway home to forming the habit of restraint.
Take a moment to complete the Restraint Rubric in Figure 6.1. This
tool will help you identify the types of upset to which you are most vulner-
able. In the next chapter, I discuss how to keep your anger from escalating
into danger during the “Six Seconds of Sabotage.”
SELLING WITH EQ
- When upset, remember what is happening at a chemical level in
your brain and how vulnerable you are at that moment.
•Give yourself ample time to allow your emotional border patrol to
kick into action. - Develop a focus thought that you can utilize for your cooling off
period.
Hotheads and Seeing Red 59