ter state, I come back to sort things out.’ After I heard this, I started
mimicking his response... and you know, it works!” —Jack K., Sales
RepresentativeIn her book, Living Your Best Life: Discover Your Life’s Blueprint for Success,
Laura Berman Fortgang says that “Blowing your stack spells trouble, but
that doesn’t mean you have to be a doormat.” She offers some tips for using
your wrath to fuel positive changes.
- Repress and respect yourself. When you lose it, people lose respect. Count
to 100, take some deep breaths, go for a walk, talk to a friend, write
it down and throw it away, or go play a sport. Do whatever, but do not
open your mouth. - Think of constructive feedback to give to the person who made you mad.
Mistakes and faults are the result of certain strains in their lives. Help
people find solutions instead of rubbing their noses in problems. In
this way, you are helping them build the strengths they lack. - Examine yourself.Do an honest assessment of why you are angry. Was
it something that the person did or said? Maybe it is not really about
the person. Maybe you are angry with yourself, your situation, or some-
one or something unconnected to this person or situation. - Use a gentle tone. A soft answer turns away wrath. The controlled, sooth-
ing tone works wonders in an emotionally charged atmosphere to
calm the turbulent seas of anger.
CHILL TACTICS
A century-old discovery of anger research is that one of the best ways
to cool off after our rage is triggered is to cool off physically by waiting out
the adrenal surge in a setting where the rage will not experience further
provocation. This is why a walk in nature is so effective. I built a waterfall
in my backyard because I found that the sound of running water causes a
lucidity of thought that helps me when I am writing. A side benefit I dis-
covered was its calming effect when I am having a stress-induced or anger-
induced adrenal surge. Ten to fifteen minutes in the presence of the sound
of running water soothes the storm in my emotional brain.
Zillman’s anger research also revealed that distraction is a powerful
mood-altering device, because staying angry is hard when you start having a
pleasant time. The challenge is to allow your anger to cool enough to be
able to have a pleasant time. Just as distraction is the chief tool of the magi-
How to Prevent and Contain Negative Outbursts 79