Encyclopedia of Leadership

12.7

CONFLICT: FIVE LEVELS FOR

DEALING WITH CONFLICT

Inspired by Thomas Crum, Roger Fisher, Elizabeth Kopelman, Andrea Kupfer Schneider,

David Irvine, and Bernie Novokowsky.

Expecting all conflict to end in complete resolution is a good way to stay frustrated as a lead-

er. Conflict can be dealt with at many levels, starting with the most idealistic (complete and

joint resolution) to the least effective (suffering in silence).

SECTION 12 TOOLS FORLEADINGRELATIONSHIPS 381

• Complete
  resolution.


• You and others
  come to an
  emotional,
  practical, and
  satisfying long-
  term resolution.


• A working
  relationship.


• “I’m okay, you’re
  okay—with warts.”


• Reduce the conflict
  to an acceptable
  level and work
  around it.


• Understand where
  the other person is
  at.
  
  
  • People willing to
    work the resolution
    process and to
    forgive and forget.
  
  
  • Often, a highly
    emotional process
    impacting core
    values and beliefs.
  
  
  • Willingness to
    continue talking.
  
  
  • Willingness to
    maintain working
    relationship.
  
  
  • Willingness to
    agree to just letting
    the issue be.
  
  
  • Reconcile
    differences.
    
    
    • Clarify
      expectations of the
      process.
    
    
    • Explore needs,
      assumptions,
      values, emotions,
      and style
      differences.
    
    
    • Focus on joint
      interests and new
      options.
    
    
    • Agree on new
      behaviors.
      [☛2.5 Values]
    
    
    • Compromise and
      find neutral
      ground.
    
    
    • Agreements are
      made at the level
      of behavioral and
      business outcomes.
    
    
    • Often helpful to
      have a third-party
      facilitator.
    
    
    
    
  
  
  
  

[☛13.3

Accountability]

• Often talked about,
  but rarely achieved
  and practiced.
  (Many religions
  propose this level of
  forgiveness.)


• Need to be tolerant
  of accidental
  slippage in
  agreements.

[☛15.2 Emotional

Intelligence]

• Sometimes,
  communication is
  the problem. When
  this is so, it is
  difficult to resolve
  communication
  problems by having
  more
  communication.


• Being accepting of
  other person’s
  behavior without
  compromising
  personal values.
  [☛8.5
  Metacommunicating]

Level 

Complete and

Joint Resolution

“Forgive and let go

emotionally.”

Level 

Joint

Management of

the Conflict

“We agree to

disagree, and will

jointly live with

our differences.”

Resolution Expectation & What is

strategies goals needed? Steps required Challenges