The New York Times Magazine - USA (2021-11-14)

The New York Times Magazine 53

that he could glimpse in the faded image the full
being of his late mother. Nevertheless, Barthes
refused to print the photograph in the book. ‘‘It
exists only for me,’’ he told his readers. ‘‘For you
it would be nothing but an indiff erent picture.’’
Shortly after the book was published in 1980 ,
Barthes himself died after being hit by a laundry
van in Paris. ‘‘Let’s hope that doesn’t happen to
us,’’ Ratajkowski quips.
We retire to the greenroom upstairs with a vin-
tage Polaroid camera provided by a crew mem-
ber. Ratajkowski suggests that we photograph
each other in addition to ourselves; I agree. To
decide who goes fi rst, we play rock, paper, scis-
sors. ‘‘Paper covers rock,’’ she says triumphantly,
before realizing we hadn’t specifi ed what win-
ning meant. She’s up, I say. ‘‘You just want me
to go fi rst,’’ she teases, picking up the camera. I
step outside, closing the door behind me, and sit
at the top of the stairs. I can hear echoes of the
crew setting up for the shoot below.
The door opens. Ratajkowski hands me the
camera, grinning. ‘‘You’re up.’’ Alone, I hop up
on a long table opposite a full-length mirror and
take two shots before letting Ratajkowski back
in. With childlike solemnity, we place our unde-
veloped Polaroids facedown on a small bench in
the room’s odd glassed-in corner, which looks out
onto the studio like a private box at a stadium.
Then Ratajkowski directs me to sit in a chair. I
laugh when she points the camera at me, because
I do not know what else to do. I know how my
face will look — and that I will not like it. When it’s
my turn, I position her against a dark mahogany
wall. ‘‘Tell me what to do,’’ she says. ‘‘I like being
directed.’’ I say, ‘‘Look away. Don’t look at me.’’

We seat ourselves in the glass corner. There

are now eight Polaroids total: four of her, four

of me. I pick up the photos Ratajkowski took of

herself, and she does the same with mine. For a

moment, we look. The fi rst thing I notice is that

the vanity she chose has caught the glass window

across the room, producing a ghostly series of

mirrored lights. I try to describe her expression

to her, but to my frustration I cannot fi nd the

words. ‘‘You know, I’m about to have a million

pictures taken of myself,’’ Ratajkowski explains,

gesturing at the studio below. She decided to

make these diff erent.

Ratajkowski turns over the photos we took of

each other. ‘‘Oh, whoa,’’ she mutters. We forgot

that the vintage camera didn’t have a fl ash; with-

out the luminescence of a mirror, these Polaroids

are dark and ethereal. In some, we are not recog-

nizable. To my surprise, Ratajkowski can’t bring

herself to destroy the photos, suggesting that we

exchange them instead. ‘‘It feels nice to take each

other’s picture and then take them away,’’ she

explains. ‘‘Like a handshake or a hug.’’

I’m not going to tell you what Emily Rataj-

kowski looks like in the Polaroids she gave me.

Instead, I will tell you this: Like millions of people

around the world, I have seen many pictures of

Ratajkowski. Now I have seen a few more. These,

no one else will ever see. Does that make them

any more real than the thousands of other Emi-

lys that Ratajkowski describes in ‘‘My Body,’’ dis-

patched into the world with the click of a shutter?

‘‘Everybody is going to write about me in terms

of what I represent in the zeitgeist,’’ she says wist-

fully as I end our fi nal interview. ‘‘The real Emily

will get lost.’’ She leaves to get dressed for the

big shoot and I decide to stay. I watch her pose

in front of the camera, disappearing once more

behind herself.

Ratajkowski
(Continued from Page 33)

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KENKEN

SPELLING BEE

Immorally (3 points). Also: Aioli, airily, airmail, alarm,

allay, alloy, amoral, amorally, armorial, immoral,

llama, lorry, loyal, loyally, mailroom, malaria, malarial,

mammal, mayoral, molar, molly, moola, moral, morally,

orally, rally, royal, royally. If you found other legitimate

dictionary words in the beehive, feel free to include

them in your score.

THIS AND THAT

Answers to puzzles of 11.7.21

Answers to puzzle on Page 56

ACROSTIC

A. Movements

B. Epic fail

C. Lantern

D. Ice cubes

E. Soft touch

F. Sobriety

G. Adderley

H. Dervish

I. Attaché

J. Hitched

K. Lethal

L. Crumpets

M. Relative

N. Itinerary

O. Nectarine

P. Gremlins

Q. Ecuador

R. “Why

bother?”

S. Opted out

T. Response

U. Tr o o p s

V. Hotbed

W. Ye e - h a w

MELISSA DAHL, CRINGEWORTHY — Perhaps you’ve

heard of the reminiscence bump, a term psychologists use

to describe the way... episodes... that occur between...

ten and thirty tend to be recalled more vividly than those

that occur earlier or later in life.

A T OM I C R E A C T O R S APPS

C ANAD I ANROC K I E S NARC

T H E L I T T L EME RMA I D TR I O

B I PED AC E L A SCAT ANN

ITIS SOC I A L MA K E H A S T E

GIN MC R I B S HO L OD E C K S

MA R I NO DON T AST I

COD I NG VI LE P LUS

NU TME G C AND Y COUN T E R S

DASHED TAPAS BARS HAU L

R I S EN BAS E FEST A E TNA

AVER F I SHSCA L E D I GS I T

ME D I C I N E CH E S T H E RO I C

NUNS R OO T C OM B A T

E LBA OO P S R ANOU T

T R A I LMA P S VA L E TS MAG

D R AWS L O T S N OW I S E R AGU

WE S MA I M GO TME BARR E

E MU S P R I V A T E E NT R ANC E S

LOR E E L I M I N A T I OND I E T

TREX K E Y NO T E A D D R E S S

KENKEN

FOR STARTERS CIRCUIT BOARD

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J E E R A T

B A S I N S

S T U C C O

H Y P H E N