129like that—they are based on a perceived benefit. That’s
why they’re so hard to just “get rid of.”
That’s why habits must be respected and understood
before they can be transformed. What created the habit
must be built upon, not killed. We must go to the ben-
eficial impulse that drives the habit, and then expand
on that to make the habit grow from something bad into
something good.
Let’s take drinking as an example. I’ve known people
who used to be drunk all the time who are now sober all
the time. How did they do it? Couldn’t we just say that
they just got rid of their drinking habit? Not really.
Because, without exception, the recovered people I know
replaced their drinking with something else.
Taking all of one’s courage, relaxation, and spiritu-
ality from a bottle of alcohol is a very damaging habit.
But to simply eliminate it leads to even worse prob-
lems: shakes, DTs, fear, dread, paranoia. A total void.
People who join Alcoholics Anonymous, however, re-
place their “false courage”—once found in a bottle of
alcohol—withrealcourage found in the meeting rooms
of AA. The completely artificial sense of spirituality
formerly found in a tumbler of spirits is replaced by
the true and deeply personal spirituality found in
working the 12-step program of enlightenment. The
superficial but highly emotional relationships the al-
coholic had made in his favorite bars are replaced by
real friendships.
Replacement is powerful because it works, and
where bad habits are concerned it’s the only thing that
works. I’ve known people who quit smoking without
intending to. They took up running, or some form of regu-
lar aerobic exercise, and soon the breathing and relax-
ation they were getting from the exercise made the
Upgrade your old habits