by Alan Townendcomedy. The play opens in a park. A couple are sitting on a bench
and they are having an argument. He is trying to persuade her that
he is right and she is doing her best to make him believe that he is
wrong. It doesn't sound all that funny but the dialogue was so clever
and the two performers are so obviously relishing their roles that the
whole audience couldn't stop laughing. But then of course if you get
bored with the play, you can always turn your attention to the
audience. And with a season ticket you keep sitting next to the same
people, which is how I got into trouble on the last night. You have to
imagine it is 8 o'clock. Everyone is sitting quietly and waiting for the
curtain to go up. The old lady in the next seat is adjusting her
hearing aid. The fanfare is playing and then – nothing happens. Ten
minutes go by. The audience is becoming distinctly uncomfortable.
Comments like: 'What on earth is going on?' 'Are we seeing another
play?' and 'Is anybody doing anything about it?' The fanfare is
playing again. I get the impression that someone is tapping my
knees but then I realise that it's the woman in front who is fidgeting.
Again there is silence and then the curtains open at last to reveal a
worried looking manager who is standing in the middle of the stage.
'Ladies and gentleman', he began 'I regret to tell you that the
Sanderson Players are not performing tonight. There will now be a
short intermission.' It was then I said to my elderly neighbour in I
suppose a rather loud voice (but you must remember she is having a
problem with her hearing): 'Thank goodness! That's one less to
worry about.' At that the woman in front who I thought had been
fidgeting and had in fact been crying, turned round and addressed
me in a hysterical way: 'Do you know who you are talking to and
who you are talking about?' I pleaded ignorant to both questions.
'They are my entire family – husband, son and two daughter and
they are all suffering the other side of that curtain.' I was impressed
with her delivery and thought what a performance she could give as
a Shakespearean heroine. I made apologetic noises and decided not
to probe further. The rest of the evening passed off without incident
and the prizes were distributed.
So after the long week and the little bit of drama in row K I hope you
can understand why I am now relaxing. I'm not attending next year's
festival. I've decided. I'm doing something a little more dynamic like
bungee jumping or white water rafting. Incidentally in case you are
wondering what the woman in front was on about, I'll explain. The
whole family in the Sanderson Players had begged mother not to
come to the theatre because she always put them off. She had
insisted on coming and so they had refused to perform. If you're
wanting to know what the play was about, you must guess it from
the title: Mother knows best.