The Psychology of Gender 4th Edition

Friendship 269

self-disclosure is an important, if not the most

important, feature of intimacy for both men

and women. However, men are more likely

than women to incorporate shared experiences

into their conceptualizations of intimacy. Stud-

ies of intimacy have neglected the fact that we

can be engaged in self-disclosure and shared

activities simultaneously. Two men may be dis-

cussing problems with their girlfriends while

fixing a car: How are these episodes classi-

fied—as self-disclosure or as shared activities?

According to Reis and Shaver (1988), intimacy

involves revealing one’s innermost self, which

can be accomplished via self-disclosure or

shared activities. Intimacy is not a static state

but a process. This means that self-disclosure

alone is not sufficient to establish intimacy.

The partner’s response to the self-disclosure is

just as important as the self-disclosure itself to

the intimacy of an interaction. Reis and Shaver

suggest that intimate interactions are ones that

lead to feeling understood, validated, and cared

for. Both self-disclosure and shared activities

could accomplish this.

FIGURE 8.6 Self-disclosure is the most important determinant of intimacy

for women and men. However, self-disclosure is relatively more important to

women than men, and men’s definitions of intimacy include shared activities.

Conceptions of Intimacy

Women Men

Shared Activities

Self-Disclosure Intimacy Self-Disclosure Intimacy

TAKE HOME POINTS

■ Females have closer same-sex friendships than males.

■ The lack of closeness in male same-sex friendships is

not due to men being incapable of intimacy; instead,

men prefer not to behave intimately with their same-

sex friends.

■ The similarities in women’s and men’s definitions of

intimacy greatly outweigh the differences.

Self-Disclosure

The primary reason that women’s friend-

ships are viewed as closer than men’s

friendships is because women self-disclose

more than men. Let’s take a more in-depth

look at the literature on self-disclosure.

Do women self-disclose more than men

about everything? To whom do people self-

disclose—women or men? Are there any situ-

ational factors that influence self-disclosure?

M08_HELG0185_04_SE_C08.indd 269 6/21/11 8:12 AM