The Psychology of Gender 4th Edition

Friendship 281

as the “man of honor” or “person of honor,”

and women do stand up for men as the “best

woman” or “best person.” These people are

sometimes friends and sometimes siblings.

Explore the future of cross-sex friendship in

Do Gender 8.4.

TAKE HOME POINTS

■ For women, same-sex friendships are closer than cross-

sex friendships.

■ Men, by contrast, seem to gain more from cross-sex

friendships than same-sex friends in terms of emotional

support and intimacy.

■ Cross-sex friendships serve some important functions

that same-sex friendships do not, such as emotional

support for men, companionship for women, and the

perspective of the other sex for both women and men.

a friendship—it depends on how sex is inter-

preted by both partners.

In fact, the coexistence of friendship

and sex has been referred to as “friends with

benefits” (Guerrero & Mongeau, 2008).

Friends with benefits are two people who are

friends, have sex with one another, but do

not label their relationship romantic. It turns

out that over half of college students have

or have had friends with benefits relation-

ship. With the increased prevalence of group

dating—an environment in which a group of

friends go out together, some of whom may

be coupled and some of whom may not—the

potential for friends with benefits increases.

To keep the friendship from becoming a

romantic relationship, the couple has sev-

eral implicit rules—remain emotionally de-

tached, minimize jealousy, and do not fall

in love (Hughes et al., 2005). These rules are

equally endorsed by females and males. Vio-

lation of these rules may lead to the develop-

ment of a romantic relationship or may lead

to the termination of a friendship.

Little longitudinal data exists on the

outcome of cross-sex friendships. Are they

more or less stable than same-sex relation-

ships? What percentage develop into roman-

tic relationships, and, of those, how viable

are they? Does getting married or becoming

involved in a romantic relationship interfere

with cross-sex friendship? Research shows

that people who are involved in romantic

relationships have lower expectations for

closeness in a cross-sex friend (Fuhrman et al.,

2009). A local radio station in Pittsburgh in-

vited listeners to call in and share how they

would feel if a future husband or wife had a

cross-sex friend stand up for them at their

wedding. Listeners, especially women, were

appalled. However, the listeners to this radio

station were hardly a representative sample.

Although rare, men do stand up for women

DO GENDER 8.4

What Happens When

Women and Men Become Friends?

Interview 10 of your fellow students about

their current and past cross-sex friendships.

Find out what happened to the past rela-

tionships: Did they end? Did any of them

evolve into romantic relationships? Exam-

ine the reasons for the relationship ending,

including O’Meara’s (1989) challenges.

Examine how certain life events in-

fluenced these friendships, such as the de-

velopment of a romantic relationship. In

other words, when one person developed

a romantic relationship, did that alter the

cross-sex friendship? How did the roman-

tic partner view the cross-sex friendship?

Are men and women equally accepting of

their partner’s cross-sex friends?

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