330 Chapter 9kind of demand/withdraw cycle. The fact
that there are no sex differences in demand
or withdraw behavior in gay and lesbian rela-
tionships (Holley, Sturm, & Levenson, 2010)
suggests that the demand/withdraw pattern
found in heterosexual relationships is due
to the status differences between men and
women rather than sex. However, the dif-
ferential power hypothesis was explored in
one study by measuring indicators of power
and linking these indicators to demand andThese findings have been replicated by
more recent research on heterosexual, gay,
and lesbian couples (Eldridge et al., 2007;
McGinn, McFarland, & Christensen, 2009).
When the woman wants the change, there is
greater female demand and male withdrawal;
the pattern changes but does not reverse itself
when the male wants the change. In addition,
the level of distress in the relationship influ-
ences these findings (Eldridge et al., 2007).
The findings shown in Figure 9.9 apply more
to distressed couples. The expected cross-over
pattern (wife demand/husband withdraw for
her topic; husband demand/wife withdraw for
his topic) is more likely to be found among
nondistressed couples. Thus, the idea that
demand behavior is linked to the person in
the relationship who wants the most change
is a good explanation for behavior in non-
distressed couples. There must be additional
explanations as to why the demand/withdraw
pattern is linked to gender in distressed cou-
ples. Examine the demand/withdraw pattern
and predictors of this pattern in couples you
know in Do Gender 9.5.
When husbands want change, why
isn’t there more evidence that husbands de-
mand and wives withdraw? This bring us to
the third explanation for the demand/with-
draw pattern. The demand/withdraw pat-
tern may be related to the power structure in
relationships and the lower status of women
relative to men. Demanding behavior may be
an attempt to improve one’s status, whereas
withdraw behavior may be an attempt to
maintain the status quo. Couples may have
a history of resolving men’s issues compared
to women’s issues in marriage because men
desire less change in relationships and be-
cause men have greater power in relation-
ships (Christensen & Heavey, 1993). Thus,
men’s issues are addressed, meaning that
there is less probability of getting into anyDO GENDER 9.5
Who Demands
and Who Withdraws?Come up with your own self-report mea-
sure of demand and withdraw behavior.
Some sample items adapted from Chris-
tensen and Heavey (1993) are shown here.
Measure the frequency with which such
behavior occurs among dating couples
you know by asking them to complete
your survey. Is there evidence that women
demand more? Men withdraw more? Is
relationship satisfaction related to de-
mand/withdraw? Do you find that the less
satisfied person engages in more demand
behavior? What other predictions would
you make based on the literature reviewed
in this chapter?
Sample Demand/Withdraw Items
One person nags and the other person
refuses to discuss the topic.
One person makes demands and the
other person is silent.
One person criticizes and the other
person withdraws.
One person tries to start a conversation
about a problem and the other
person tries to avoid the topic.M09_HELG0185_04_SE_C09.indd 330 6/21/11 12:40 PM