ALTERNATIVE LIFESTYLESThis distress about the demise of the family is
not particularly new. For at least a century Ameri-
can observers and social critics have warned against
the negative consequences of changes in the fami-
ly. Yes, the family has indeed changed, but the vast
majority of the population, both then and now,
still prefers to marry, have children, and live in a
committed, monogamous relationship. The most
profound changes to date have not occurred in
alternatives to marriage but rather in alternatives
prior to marriage, and alternative ways in structur-
ing marriage itself, while keeping the basic institu-
tion and its purposes intact. For example, nonmarital
sex, delayed marriage and childbearing, and co-
habitation are practiced with increasing frequency
and are tolerated by a larger percentage of the
population than ever before. And within marriage
itself, new behaviors and ideologies are becoming
increasingly popular, such as greater equality be-
tween men and women (although gender equality
is more an ideal than a reality in most marriages).
NEVER-MARRIED SINGLESA small but growing percentage of adult men and
women remain single throughout their lives. In
the United States, approximately 5 percent never
marry (U.S. Bureau of the Census 1998). These
individuals experience life without the support
and obligations of a spouse and usually children.
While often stereotyped as either ‘‘swingers’’ or
‘‘lonely losers,’’ Stein reports that both categoriza-
tions are largely incorrect (1981). Instead, singles
cannot be easily categorized and do not constitute
a single social type. Some have chosen singlehood
as a preferred option, perhaps due to career deci-
sions, sexual preference, or other family responsi-
bilities. Others have lived in locations in which
demographic imbalances have affected the pool of
eligibles for mate selection. And others have been
lifelong isolates, have poor social skills, or have
significant health impairments that have limited
social contacts.
Attitudes toward singlehood have been quite
negative historically, especially in the United States,
although change has been noted. Studies report
that during the 1950s, remaining single was viewed
as pathology, but by the mid-1970s singlehood was
not only tolerated but also viewed by many as an
avenue for enhancing one’s happiness. In the early
1990s, when asked about the importance of being
married, approximately 15 percent of unmarried
white males and 17 percent of unmarried white
females between the ages of 19 and 35 did not
agree with the statement that they ‘‘would like to
marry someday.’’ The percentage of blacks that
did not necessarily desire marriage was even high-
er, at 24 percent and 22 percent of black males and
females, respectively. Interestingly, the gap in atti-
tudes between males and females was the largest
among Latinos, with only 9 percent of Latino
males, but 25 percent of Latina females claiming
that they did not necessarily want to marry
(South 1993).Despite this gender gap, single males are viewed
more favorably than are single females. Males are
stereotyped as carefree ‘‘bachelors,’’ while single
women may still be characterized as unattractive
and unfortunate ‘‘spinsters.’’ In the popular card
game ‘‘Old Maid,’’ the game’s loser is the one who
is stuck with the card featuring an old and unat-
tractive unmarried woman. Oudijk (1983) found
that the Dutch population generally affords great-
er lifestyle options to women, and only one-quar-
ter of his sample of married and unmarried per-
sons reported that married persons are necessarily
happier than are singles.Shostak (1987) has developed a typology in
which to illustrate the divergence among the nev-
er-married single population. It is based on two
major criteria: the voluntary verses involuntary
nature of their singlehood, and whether their
singlehood is viewed as temporary or stable.
Ambivalents are those who may not at this point be
seeking mates but who are open to the idea of
marriage at some time in the future. They may be
deferring marriage for reasons related to school-
ing or career, or they may simply enjoy experi-
menting with a variety of relationships. Wishfuls
are actively seeking a mate but have been unsuc-
cessful in finding one. They are, generally, dissatis-
fied with their single state and would prefer to be
married. The resolved consciously prefer singlehood.
They are committed to this lifestyle for a variety of
reasons; career, sexual orientation, or other per-
sonal considerations. A study of 482 single Canadi-
ans reported that nearly half considered them-
selves to fall within this category (Austrom and