I
wouldn’t describe Grand Theft Auto V as
a serious game, but it does take its
silliness very seriously. Yes, it has absurd
crime capers, ridiculous NPCs, and, of
course, Trevor. But it’s also strict about
the rules of its world. If you want to fly, for example,
first you must get on a plane, while its missions are
rigid in terms of what they allow and don’t allow the
player to do. Go exactly here. Do exactly this. Under no
circumstances stray from the objective.I’ve often wondered what GTA would be like if it truly let
its hair down, allowed its meticulously crafted simulation
to run wild. Enter the Chaos Mod. Created by a modder
known as pongo1231, this mod adds 250 random effects to
the game that trigger at set intervals. Some of these effects
are small, like adding a
random weapon into your
inventory. Others are...
well, let’s not spoil the
surprise, eh?
My plan is simple. Take
GTA V. Take the Chaos
Mod. Then smash them
together like a Ferrari
crashing into a van full of
clowns. I’m going to play
the main campaign as you
would normally, and see how many giant shoes and red
noses fall out in the process.
First though, we’ve got to put the clowns in the van.
Simple to install, the Chaos Mod lets you adjust the
length and frequency of its random events. By default, a
new event will trigger every 30 seconds. I don’t want to
blow all the game’s randomness within the first couple
of hours, so instead I set the event intervals to five
minutes. As for event duration, the mod has two settings,
both of which I set in ratio with the default settings.
“Short events” are set to last five minutes, while “long
events” will run for fifteen.
An event won’t trigger until the first five minutes have
passed, so GTA V kicks off as it always does, with
aggressive style. Michael, Trevor, and Barry are robbing a
bank in snowy Yankton, holding the staff hostage while
they blast the vault door off with C4 explosive. They grab
the loot, but the cops show up, culminating in a bloody
shootout outside the bank. When the last cop falls, wemake our way to the getaway car whereupon the event
meter fills for the first time, and the game spawns a
tugboat that lands on Michael’s head.
Oh, this is going to be good.RANDOM HOUSE
Miraculously, Michael survives being flattened by several
tons of barnacled steel, and the three men make their
doomed getaway. Fast-forward nine years, and Michael,
now in witness protection, brays at his therapist before
story duties switch over to lovable small-time gangster
Franklin, who’s in the process of repossessing a couple of
cars with his pal Lamar.
Vehicles acquired, we’re racing back to the car
dealership when another event triggers – Spawn Deadly
Agent. At first nothing happens, and I wonder whether
the mod is still working.
But then several new
‘speed holes’ appear in the
back of my car. I look
around to see an Aston
Martin DB5 hurtling
toward me.
That’s right. I’m being
attacked by James Bond.
This is a problem. I
imagine being attacked by
James Bond is always a
problem. But it’s especially inconvenient for me as I don’t
have any weapons. My only choice is to floor it. Racing to
the dealership, I seek sanctuary in the warm, reassuring
embrace of a cutscene. I’m hoping that by the time the
cutscene has ended, Bond will have gone off to wash his
tuxedo or act inappropriately towards a woman, or
whatever else 007 does in his spare time.
After a scene in which Michael’s son Jimmy is accused
of being a massive racist, I head outside to drive Franklin
and Lamar home. The moment we do, however, Lamar
crumples to the ground, and the mission fails. At first I
think some new Chaos Mod effect, but after it happens a
second time, I peek around the corner of the rear exit to
see Bond waiting for us. Crafty git. It’s almost like he does
this for a living or something.
Now I’m in trouble. I can’t get to the car without Bond
shooting either Lamar or Franklin dead. So I do the only
thing I can, which is run straight out of the door and
punch the living daylights out of 007. He goes downWE’RE RACING BACK
TO THE DEALERSHIP
WHEN ANOTHER
EVENT TRIGGERS
THE RULES
1
Every five minutes,
a random event
will occur.
2
Random events
must be played
through.
3
No reloading
except upon death.disappointingly easily, but just to
make sure I stomp on his head a few
times. I don’t expect you to talk. Not
without your teeth.
Franklin and Lamar head home.
Franklin is berated by his aunt for the
crime of existing, and is then
immediately snuffed out of existence
by Jimmy, who has appeared in the
doorway wielding a shotgun. Guess
he really didn’t like being called a
racist, but I’m not sure how his
response does much for his argument.
I respawn and give Jimmy a taste
of the Bond beaters, before moving
on to the next mission, repossessing a
bike from a garage in Vespucci Beach.
Unfortunately, the bike belongs to a
local gangster, and the job quickly
turns into a shootout. The good news
is that Lamar gives me a gun,
meaning I can now defend myselfEXTRA LIFE
DIARY (^) I MOD SPOTLIGHT I REINSTALL I WHY I LOVE
I’ve heard of oncoming
traffic, but this is ridiculous.