knew what he was up to—anyone who could sound the alarm if

he got into trouble and was overdue—Alex answered calmly

that, no, nobody knew of his plans, that in fact he hadn’t

spoken to his family in nearly three years. “I’m absolutely

positive,” he assured Gallien, “I won’t run into anything I can’t

deal with on my own.”

After parting from Gallien, Chris crosses a frozen river and ventures
deep into the bush where he’s completely isolated from the outside
world. For several months, Chris makes it on his own, foraging and
hunting for food. The next spring, however, when he tries to return
home, he discovers the river is swollen with rain and melting snow, and
the current is so strong that he’s unable to cross back into civilization.
Left with no other choice, Chris returns to his base camp, where he
ultimately dies. In his last days of life, he makes the following entry in
his journal: “Happiness only real when shared.”
Metaphorically speaking, we view people with an avoidant
attachment style as lonesome travelers on the journey of life and
relationships. Like Chris, they idealize a life of self-sufficiency and look
down upon dependency. If you have an avoidant attachment style, the
lesson Chris ultimately learned—that experiences are only meaningful
when shared with others—is key to your happiness as well.
In this chapter, we look at the ways in which you, the lonesome
traveler, manage to keep your distance even when you’re with
someone you love. We help you gain insight into why you behave as
you do in relationships and how that behavior is stopping you from
finding true happiness in your romantic connections. If you belong to
the remaining three-quarters of the population, chances are that you
know—or may someday get involved with—someone avoidant. This
chapter will help you understand why they act as they do.

A Survival Advantage Can’t Buy You Love

It’s believed that each attachment style evolved in order to