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doing work that seemed far more advanced than mine, so I thought he
was brilliant. From the beginning, however, there were things about his
behavior that confused and upset me.
When he first asked me out, I showed up for what I assumed was a
date, only to discover it was a group event with a bunch of his friends.
Although I knew that any woman would have understood his invitation
the same way, I gave him the benefit of the doubt, allowing for the
possibility that I’d misread him. Soon after that, he asked to go out with
me alone, so I chalked up the first “date” to a misunderstanding.
A month later, I thought I’d surprise Craig by showing up to cheer
him on at his track team practice. Not only did he not thank me for my
support, he ignored me completely. He was with his friends and didn’t
even say hello. What could I do but conclude that he was ashamed of
me?
Afterward, I confronted Craig about his behavior. He said, “Marsha,
when we’re in the company of other people, I don’t think they need to
know we’re a couple.” His words made me furious and reduced me to
tears. But then he hugged and kissed me, and I made up with him.
Soon, despite Craig not acknowledging our relationship in public, it
became apparent that we were indeed a couple.
Unfortunately, it wasn’t the last time I discovered that we weren’t on
the same page. We’d been dating for several months, and to my mind
our relationship was progressing nicely. So to make things clearer, I
told my old boyfriend—whom I’d still meet on occasion—that I couldn’t
see him anymore. When I mentioned this to Craig, his response
caught me off guard. “Why did you tell your ex that? It’s still very early
and this might not lead to anything!”
After a couple more months of seeing each other, Craig and I finally
seemed to be in sync. He was moving into a one-bedroom apartment
and suggested I move in with him. I liked it that he was making a
commitment, and agreed. It seemed perfectly natural to everyone;
Craig was a great guy and he made a good impression. People who
knew him superficially thought he was really nice. The truth, however,
was that my life with Craig was becoming an emotional roller coaster
and I’d find myself in tears on a daily basis.
For one thing, Craig was always comparing me with his ex-girlfriend