the one to hurt you in the first place. An activated attachment system is
immensely powerful. It is a very important reason why Marsha stayed
as long as she did.

RETURNING TO THE SCENE OF THE CRIME

What happens when you do reunite with your partner after a breakup?
Myron Hofer, a colleague of Amir’s from Columbia University and a
leading researcher in the field of the psychobiology of mother-infant
attachment, describes a fascinating discovery in one of his studies.
When rat pups are separated from their mothers, a number of
physiological reactions occur: their activity level goes down, their heart
rate goes down, and so does their growth hormone level. In Hofer’s
studies, he gradually replaced each maternal attribute with an artificial
substitute: He first warmed the pups with a heating pad, then fed them
so their stomachs would be full, and later patted them with a brush,
imitating their mother’s licking action. He found that each intervention
helped with one aspect of their separation distress. Feeding the pups
helped maintain their heart rate at a normal level, warming them
helped keep their activity intact, and brushing them helped raise their
growth hormone secretion.
But only one intervention alleviated all the symptoms at once, and
that was the reunion with their mother.
For humans, the situation is very similar. When we break up with
someone, our attachment system goes into overdrive, and just like the
rat pups, we can think of nothing but getting back together with our
loved one. The fact that one person can take away all our discomfort in
a split second makes it very hard to resist the temptation to see him or
her again. Just being in the same room is enough to entirely relieve the
anxiety in a way that no other single friend or family member can.
For this simple reason, many individuals find it hard to follow through
on their wish to break up, even after they’ve tried more than once to do
it. It also explains why Marsha chose to maintain some contact with
Craig, long after they separated. Anxious people may take a very long